Where I Become *That* Parent

Lord, help me. I don't want to be *that* parent. Those parents drive me crazy on a regular basis.

The mom who, last week, claimed that her daughter had spent three hours a day for three weeks working on her summer reading assignment only to receive a failing grade while another student in my class put something together at the last minute and received "an easy A" from me. Mom demanded that I copy Easy-A's paper and send it home with her daughter for mom to compare. Of course, her daughter neglected to do half the summer reading assignment, and that might have something to do with the poor grade. Maybe. Or maybe it's just me. Being evil.

Or the other moms and dads who refuse to allow their children to take responsibility for their actions (like bald-faced cheating) or in-actions (not doing the work). They frustrate me.

So when something with my kid happens at school, I react with my gut and then take a breath. I ask myself if I have the whole story. I ask myself how my kid is at fault and what can be done to redirect him. I ask how I can help the teacher do her job.

But then my kid came home and told me the teacher told him that he pooped his pants on purpose because he was mad at her. He was totally depressed and deflated. I wrote a calm email asking what happened. Her reply just made it worse. And then I stewed.

I was, and am, unholy pissed.

My kid's kindergarten teacher is gonna wake up to an officially not-fun email.

I spoke with Hipkid's pediatrician today about this issue. She was very clear that Hipkid should be allowed to use the restroom when he needs to. If there is a problem with him needing to use the restroom too many times during work time, please let me know, and we will deal with that problem at home. But from now on, when Hipkid says he needs to use the restroom, I expect that he will be allowed to leave and use the restroom. I will send a letter from his doctor tomorrow in his folder.

I do not appreciate the suggestion that Hipkid poops on purpose in the classroom in frustration when he is told to wait. Not only do your comments shame him, but no child would willingly have an accident in front of his peers. While he is very active and certainly a handful, Hipkid is not a spiteful child. I cannot believe that this had to happen three times before I heard about it and only after I contacted you. If my child is unable to control his bowels to the point that he is pooping in the classroom, then I need to be informed; otherwise, as his parent, I am unable to take care of any underlying medical or emotional issues.

I am not saying that Hipkid does not need to take any responsibility for his actions. His father and I have spoken with him about the importance of trying to go to the restroom at the appropriate times, even when he might not feel like he needs to go. He will do his best to use the restroom at those times, but when he feels the need to go at another time, he should not have to wait or be accused of pooping on purpose or to avoid work.

At Hipkid's physical, the doctor also tested Hipkid's hearing and found that he suffers from moderate hearing loss. He has had frequent bad ear infections since he was a baby and has had tubes twice. The hearing loss is significant, and we have an appointment in a few weeks with a specialist to see what we can do to recover his hearing. In the meantime, please be mindful of his hearing loss when giving directions. Hipkid will certainly ignore you and not pay attention at times, but there are other times when he legitimately does not hear what is spoken.

Perhaps it would be a good time to set up a conference.

Comments

[Dana Huff]

I know how you feel. Having to deal with parents who are not able to see my side in the past, I struggled too with how to address it when I felt a teacher genuinely wasn't being fair to my own child. You made the right call. Good luck, and don't be afraid to pursue it further if this message doesn't get the results you want and that your child needs.

For the record, any kindergarten teacher that doesn't let a kid go whenever he/she has to is asking for trouble and is always in the wrong, in my opinion.

[Jen Roberts]

Your poor little boy. I hope he gets a wonderful first grade teacher.
Teachers with children in school bear that special frustration of knowing all too well when your kid's teacher is doing it wrong. Or, in this case, really wrong.
Stick to your guns. (It's just an expression. I really don't advocate the use of violence in this situation, yet.)

[Charles]

I agree, I don't think parents should be complaining about grades, as it undermines the teacher's ability to provide useful feedback to students. The parent will not be able to lobby their child's employer when they get let go for not completing the required work.

[attacks]

wow, that is intense!!! seriously, if the kids gotta go, they should let him go! poor little guy :( and you know his bad hearing is from all your rock concerts ;p

[Amanda]

Wow, I would be so mad. Kids should be able to use the bathroom when they have to use the bathroom. The thing that makes me more upset than anything is when the bathroom is clear on the other side of the school away from the 4-6 year old classrooms. Really, the bathrooms ought to be right there. Right next to the classroom.

[k12 education]

Yes, that is so true. It is so hard with the first grade children. And as for the bathroom there should be even more of them close to the smaller kids' classrooms.

[trampolines]

it really happens.as we all know, teachers stand as surrogate parents..

[christian advertising]

Its so much more stressful when all did is to help the child but she's as hoopeless as ever!

[Katie]

That's awful! Going poo or pee in one's pants is a child's biggest nightmare. To insinuate, let alone outright say, that the kid did it on purpose is awful.

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[meme77]

I know this blog isn't recent, but I wanted to comment on it. I am currently a kindergarten teacher and I know how you may have felt about your son using the restroom in in pants. Before becoming a teacher I had to deal with a similar situation with my son. I didn't agree with the teacher response and had to pursue things a bit further. Unfortunately there are teachers out there forget that these are elementary school students and not adults. They need remember it's harder for them to wait until a break to use the restroom.As for policy in the classroom, I only asked for them to raise their hand to go. That's all it should take, these are kids(small kids). I'm apologizing to you as a teacher and I hope nothing like this ever happen to your child again. There are good teachers out there.

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