A Hard Day’s Night

I have learned an important lesson. I have learned to feel dumb. Now, I am trying to continue feeling that way.

It isn’t easy.

About six months ago, I started writing songs accidentally. A friend got stuck with the words for a verse and asked for help. The acoustic guitar played, and after staring for a second at my notebook, I started writing. My words didn’t go perfectly with the music, but with some tweaking, the song sounded pretty good. Thus began my new hobby.

Five or six songs later, I started getting the itch—the itch to perform. It felt strange hearing my words from the perspective of an audience member. I didn’t desire the spotlight or the ego inflation. I just wanted to experience the performance of something that I helped create.

Unfortunately, I am no musician. I suffered through a few years of piano lessons as a kid, but that’s the extent of my training. So, I picked up the tambourine, shakers and bells and learned little parts for each of the songs.  Sort of.

After only a few practices, I realized that I am a total moron when it comes to music. I am not a natural. I don’t “hear” where my notes should go. I don’t “feel” the rhythm in an accurate way. I can’t watch the guitar and “follow its lead.” Don’t even think about my inventing my own parts.

Most of the time, I get really frustrated with myself and, within five minutes, I’m crying. I have quit the band about twenty times. I snap at my friend who is attempting to teach me. At the bar after a particularly enjoyable session, I was ordered an “Attitude Adjustment.” Let’s just say I am a royal pain in the arse—just trying to play a couple notes or do a little shake, shake, shake.

Yesterday, I realized why my behavior seemed kind of familiar to me. I’ve seen it from my students a million times. I have been driven crazy by that behavior a million times. They’ve wanted to give up, and I’ve wanted to give up on them a million times. I didn’t understand their strong emotional responses – the tears, pissyness and anger – until now.

I am good at many things, so I’ve stayed away from the things that don’t come easily for me. I hate it when I don’t automatically get something. But what a cop-out is that? I’m never going to work through the tough stuff? How can I expect my students to keep struggling if I can’t do the same?

I have a new respect for those who can stick it out and keep trying.  We can’t be brilliant at everything. So, the next time a kid freaks out in my class because he/she doesn’t get an assignment or can’t understand a passage, I’m probably going to feel and react a whole lot differently.

I started out trying to be a rock star, but I’m learning how to be a better teacher. And hopefully a better, more humble person too.

Comments

[NYC Educator]

Great story. School, though, is a good place to discover what you are and are not good at. Hopefully, our kids are at least giving themselves a chance. It's the ones with no interests whatsoever I worry about.

[NYC Educator]

Great story. School, though, is a good place to discover what you are and are not good at. Hopefully, our kids are at least giving themselves a chance. It's the ones with no interests whatsoever I worry about.

[Tom Kim]

This is why teachers should be encouraged to have a life.

[Bert]

That is a wonderful post which resonates with me (parallelism intended? Maybe...can't stop an old English major). I have always felt that life should be a lifelong learning experience, doubly so for someone whose role it is to teach. And yet, if we don't realize we all don't teach with ever action and reaction, where are we? Are we just fooling ourselves? Perhaps.

You are clearly a teacher whom every student should have. You don't walk into class with your prepared lesson that you have used for the last 20 years...you are still learning. I would like to hope all teachers are still open to the idea that there is something more to learn.

Thank you.

[Robert Wilder]

Hey! Didn't know how to contact you but I'd love a nod. Thanks--Rob

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[Richie]

Enjoyed your posts. I'm an old dog learning new tricks with this blogging thing… sort of stumbling through blindly and was glad to stumble here.

At any rate, I'm always amazed at what we learn from our students. Would love to have you take a peak at my site when you get a chance.

[Aphrikanyc]

Great post!!! I can relate. Always learning new things. As an adult I'm the kind of student that looks like I'm not paying attention and I'm always texting on my phone during lessons, but I participate when the teacher asks questions and I always ask smart questions. My listening skills just appear to be disrespectful. I still don't excuse my students being that way, but you're right, perhaps I could understand...

[bygpowis]

great lesson. it's still hard for me to understand why people struggle at things b/c i've usually picked things up easily or like you, stayed in my own comfort zone. i've taught and honestly think i will have trouble dealing with folks who cannot aspire to excellence. i understand that's 90% of the world. i don't want to sound pompus here, but... i get what you're saying. i've always thought this would be my biggest headache as a teacher.

[Ardis Barbre]

Great teaching lesson! As educators, I think we often forget to try and figure out why students act a certain way before getting upset. Your story reminds me of the importance of figuring out the why behind a student's behavior before I react to the behavior.

[OSU student]

It's nice to finally be empathetic toward someone whom has suffered the same as you. Creates perseverance and patience.

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