detention

Hipteacher suddenly stops her mini-lecture about the beauties of the sestina when she looks back and sees Jimmy's desk. A white, powdery substance formed into mini-pyramids covers the top of the desk. Seeing that she is in an honors class and this substance is not, in fact, blow, she calms down and tells Jimmy that she'd be seeing him for detention that afternoon.

    "Jimmy. What was that all over your desk?"
    "Uh. It was, um, Altoids."
    "Altoids? I'm sorry, you crushed up Altoids to look like cocaine?
    (snickers) "Yeah."
    "Oh, ok. That's totally normal." She says this a bit snarkily, but kid doesn't get it.
    "I thought it would really hurt, and it did for about five seconds, but then it didn't feel so bad."
    "Wait. You were snorting Altoids in the middle of my class?!"
    "Well, only because Tim dared me too."
    "And it wasn't really painful?" Because, hipteacher admits, she was sorta curious.
    "Nope. After awhile it was kinda cool. When I did this (he inhales sharply through his nose like you would do if you were snotty and had no immediate access to a tissue) it felt really good! And tasted kind of sweet!"
    "Ok. Get the cleaning stuff and paper towels. I want you to clean the tops of all the desks and sweep the room. And next time, use better judgment when dared to do something. You don't want to get falsely arrested on drug charges."
    "Yes ma'am. And when I'm done, can I call Mr. hipteacher?!" (hipteacher's students are strangely fascinated with her husband. For a few of her male ninth graders, Mr. hipteacher has reached almost mythic status. They are obsessed. The phenomenon is an enigma.)
    "No. He doesn't want to talk to you."
    "C'mon, please? He likes me!"
    "No. Jimmy, get to work."
    "Ok, hipteacher. But he really likes me!"

Comments

[Mamacita]

Well handled!

In my former school, the administration was so paranoid about drugs, that even to mention them in a joke was grounds for expulsion. They expelled one boy because he had a bag of white powder and joked about its being 'crack' in the restroom. It was corn starch for his science project. He was expelled anyway, because of Zero Tolerance. Corn starch.

I have Zero Tolerance myself. For administrators, that is.

I love your blog. I come here all the time.

[Mister]

In 4th grade I snorted a Pixie Stick on a dare. To this day I have never been in more pain in my life.

[Jen]

I am a middle-school tutor, and while they are not obsessed per se with my husband, they do ask a lot of questions about him and occasionally press me for details of our engagement, wedding, etc. Maybe they are grasping for insight into happy marriages, since we are not as bitter as their moms?

[EdWonk]

Well... at least the child didn't grind-up and snort Alka Seltzer. Those of us that teach this age of kid definately need to keep our senses of humor sharp. (It's a good classroom survival skill.:)

[Blinger]

And this is a good example of why I moved to another country.

[Mister]

Because kids in other countries don't joke about doing drugs? Right.

[Blinger]

because of zero tolerance. Yes kids do drugs here, but it is very underground and is never talked about in school - at least in my 9 years of experience.

[shamash]

This is my eighth year teaching overseas, and I ditto what Blinger says. My experience has been the same as his.

I've also taught in public ed in the States. I can relate to your experiences, hipteacher, and I look back on those years with bittersweet nostalgia.

[jessica]

this is too funny. good job.

[Mister]

Where are you Japan, Singapore? Or Spain? (Where the kids would most def. joke about drugs, and maybe even invite you to partake with them.) How is "overseas" one magical, disciplined plase?

[erika]

*Bwahahahahah* My students would SO do something stupid like this. Too funny.

[Catalin]

Last year I had 8th graders sniffing the contents of those desiccant packets found in with new shoes!

I think the fascination with your husband is interesting. My junior high schoolers were also really interested in hearing about my husband. I think they're generally interested in relationships (esp. love/sex ones, but they were also wanted to know about my friends) and in anything that's more "real life" than most of school is. I don't know what your demographic is, but when I taught at-risk kids, there were not a lot of adult males in anybody's life, so maybe those boys are especially hungry for models of manhood.

I say, if your husband's willing, invite him to class parties or fieldtrips and give your boys a chance to experience what might be the only postive male example they know.

[generic cialis]

It's a very nice story, hahaha, I felt like I was reading a very good book! thank you for the great story, it was really entertaining.