Dear God, It's Me The New Teacher

Dear God,  It’s Me The New Teacher

I know it has been a really long time, and we don’t really have much of a relationship, but I need some help.

I knew classroom management would be a struggle for me. Assertiveness is not exactly one of my expressed character traits. But, I’ve risen to the challenge and kept my head above water. I face my classroom each morning dressed professionally, calm and somewhat prepared.

Two weeks.

Fourteen days. Each one I survived. Barely.

My boy rubs my head at night as I cry and cry. Thank you for sending me this wonderful, understanding and supportive man. He is my rock.

And I am his tsunami.

Why did you send me, on the very first day, the severely EBD kid who was accidentally placed in my class and who freaked out, stared me down and, I thought, might take me down? Thank you for holding me still until I got home that night, knees knocking. Thank you for keeping my voice quiet as later I learned raising my voice, or reacting in anyway, would have “escalated” the situation.

Thank you, at least, for first period. My angels. They write, they try to write, beautiful stories. They vary from “Horse Camp” to “My First Time To Jail.” They think I’ve lost my mind when I tell them that they are writing books, but go along with my demands.

Well, that was my entry for last week which I never got around to posting. If there is one thing I've learned about teaching (among the millions of things I feel like I am learning by the second), it is that every single day is a whole new game. As long as I get up in the morning and keep going to face first period, it will get better and I will get better. That doesn't mean the first few weeks have been easy.

It's been three weeks now. 21 days.

My head peeks out above the water. I write in my blog again. Resolve to make time for myself.

Once I write again everyday, it will be easier to explain. For now, I sum up via a list.

1. I like my mailbox.

2. Having a classroom on the special ed hall is very interesting. The EBD room is next to mine. The kids bang for much of the day--bang and bang on the walls and floor. One girl, the only one I find really threatening, likes to wander into my room and tell me, "It's a good thing for you that I'm in a good mood today, 'cause otherwise I'd fuckin' kill you bitch," when I ask her politely to go back to her classroom. I've decided to ignore the "open door" policy of my school. My door is locked.

3. I attended my very first ever football game. I am not a football person, but I loved it. The band, the cheerleaders, the kids getting down in the stands. So now, I'm a regular.

4. I really enjoy the "bad" kids. They are often pains to have in class and disrupt learning every five seconds, but I really like them--even the ones who want to grow up to be pimps.

5. I've come up with a few lessons that I'm proud of.

6. No matter how "teacherly" I try to appear, I cannot help laughing. It is a completely involuntary reaction.

One day, while standing up at the board, a student I'll call Big Boy (because he is a BIG boy, especially to my 5 foot self) took some of my whiteboard clips and clipped them onto his chest and started gesturing in a very inappropriate way. My jaw dropped in shock. A student I'll call Pimp since that is his ambition (he said he'll being taking over his dad's girls when he turns 18), suddenly gets out of his desk and rushes the front of the classroom. He literally ran at full speed from the very back of the classroom to the board where he, BAM!, hit the floor and slid across the floor like he was sliding into home base.

I stared at him and said, "Pimp! What in the world are you doing?" He held up two hands, cupped as though to hold water, and said, "I had to catch it. I had to catch it. Your jaw dropped so far down, and I just had to catch it."

Would you have been able to remain stern?

Well, maybe you could have, but I couldn't. I laughed real hard, but that didn't stop me from giving my friend Pimp detention for the third time that week.

7. I am bad at taking attendance.

8. Once you are in your twenties, it is time to leave high school.

9. My kids really loved writing essays inspired by their favorite songs. We read a story by Toure' from the book Lit Riffs edited by Matthew Miele called "I Shot the Sheriff" inspired by the Bob Marley song of the same name. Each kid picked their favorite song, wrote a story inspired by the song and then presented the song and read the story to the class. They were so into it--even one of my kids with a 70 IQ turned in a brilliant, 3 page, typed, narrative essay. My heart grew a little.

10. The only students that I am a loss for how to approach are the quite smart, but terribly lazy and nonplussed, 11th and 12th graders who are in my World Lit class. Apathy annoys me.

11. You would think getting a "6" on a multiple choice quiz would be a statistical impossibility. It's not. Nor is getting a "7" or "8". God bless.

12. I've been invited to join my very first committee. That's right, I am now the official representative for my school on the district instructional technology panel. Watch out.

I've never worked this hard in my life, but I feel really alive everyday, and I'm sleeping like a little baby.

And on Friday, when Pimp found out he made a 100 on his vocab quiz (probably his first ever 100, and following a 30ish last week) and did a "touchdown" type dance around the classroom, I thought, maybe, just maybe, I am a real teacher.

Comments

[Mary]

congrats on your wonderful first three weeks!

If you have Pimp in your class, I think I have about 3 or 4 Mini-Pimps. Not to mention the 5 or 6 Mini-NFLs.

A locked door can be a good thing sometimes. I have a mixture of strangers that like to pop their heads in - some who need to tell their cousins something; others that want to say hello to the nice teacher they've heard about.

I'm glad you're posting again.

[Michelle]

Some of it will get better, some will stay the same. I always feel for the kids like the girl who tell you she might kill you blah blah. I hear someone else's voice behind their words. They live in hell.

I have always had problems being "stern" as well. I'll let them know that they are funny, but there is a time and a place. Sounds like you do that too.

I have taught for several years, but doing inclusion this year is teaching me a *lot*. I can't believe all of the teaching techniques and great lessons I've missed out on since I haven't had opportunities to observe other teachers.

If you can, go to another classroom during a prep now and then and observe. It is interesting to see how the same children behave in someone else's class. You may see more or less being accomplished, better or worse relationships with the teacher, etc. It is all valuable information. Easier said than done though.

Hang in.

[jason]

Wow. Looks like you're teaching grad school too. Funny thing is that I don't think I feel much better the first three weeks of school, even after 17 years teaching. Good luck!

[Jubileee]

Nothing wrong with laughing in your classroom! Kids appreciate a sense of humour. I'm going into my fourth year of teaching and sometimes laughing is the only thing that keeps me (and my students)sane.

[the village idiot]

Hello there hipteacher.

I'm a retired high-school teacher. Taught for many years. I have been sub-teaching on average 3 days a week to keep my finger on the pulse of things.

I have had beginning teachers and tenured teachers ask me for help over the years, and from time to time it happens now. My reply has always been and will always be the same. So, I'll have a go as Kipper would say.

The only help I can give you is to remind you to remember the following.

1.Be yourself. If you are not, the kids will know it and not like it and will turn that screw.

2.Management of children won't happen if you are not yourself.

3.The eye sees more than than heart knows.

4.A student must never be your friend or pal.

5.Body language says much more than words and tells the truth.

6.Learn everyone's name in the entire school as you go. Not only the names of the kids in your classes, but the other students you encounter as you go through the year. Learn the names of all the students as you go. Learn the names and greet and speak and LISTEN to everyone in the school-everyone!

7.Don't get mezmorized and or impulsive and go against the odds like the bad poker player who draws to an inside straight. He lives in fantasy-land when he's at the poker table. Don't be over bubbly and don't be a complainer, for they go into fantasy-land when at the job.

8.Listen, listen and hear everything. It's just as important as your planing, not only for you but for your students as well.

9.Speak softly and don't carry a big stick.

10.Remember where you are.

12.Everyone respects and likes a good listener.

12.Be wary of the disciplinarian from Discipline.
Discipline is a strange place.

13.Don't say "good job"," fantastic" and gushy , syrupy things. The kids hate it.

14. Keep comliments on the work to a minimum.
Children can get full of themselves quickly. It's not good for them.

15. Avoid, whenever possible, putting a student on the train to Discipline.

16.Know yourself! Be yourself!

[ms. frizzle]

Great post... I have been through all of that, so I felt your words keenly. It sounds like you're doing great and have found yourself a career you love. Good luck!

[adjustthesail]

This is a fantastic insight into teaching and all of the challenges it entails. Know that while you are using this page to reflect on your own experiences, you are helping to light an unfamiliar path all new teachers are travelling together. Please continue to post as often as your busy schedule allows; I look forward to following your experiences as well as the progress and growth you are certain to find in the challenges ahead.

[nicole]

i love your list!!
and it's perfectly human to laugh. i figure if i don't laugh with my kids, what's the point? with a 40% drop-out rate at our high school, i feel like perhaps, perhaps, laughing in school will keep them coming back for more.

[Autumn]

My best friend teaches middle school kids that have gotten kicked out of every school they've ever gone to.

I admire the strength of you people who do this. I work for a textbook publisher, but we don't see the kids the way you do.

Bless you, woman. You are the epitome of strength.

Hang in there. You may be the only thing these kids can rely on.

[Tara]

You keep at it, girlie! I am so proud of what you are doing. Just know you are not alone, you are loved, and you are courageous. Your husband can take comfort in knowing he's one of many head-rubbing, shoulder-to-cry-on-teacher spouses out there, too. You're not the first to pray a version of this prayer.

[Vanessa]

Lovely post. RE: EBD girl from next door, I find gentle, accepting-style humour often wears kids down if you maintain it for months. Chuckle, and quietly say, 'I know you llike me really, you're my biggest fan', or 'you can't keep away, honey, can you?'
RE: Lazy smart kids, you need to challenge them harder, but not something they have no hope of doing, just something that takes some effort to understand. I'd make it a high risk event, like instigating debates on topics, or giving them parameters within which to present a 20 minute lesson to each other, which they can win appraisals from.

[Vanessa]

Sorry, I had the wrong blog noted up there. Just to say, I think I might print your post out and show it to the second year beginning teachers at my school this week!

[Loody]

I think complaining parents should read that post! Some of them think that being a teacher is a piece of cake job with long holidays.
Boy do they not get it. Sounds like you're surviving really well.

[Anactoria]

I love this post.
Its terrifying and exciting at the same time.
I'm three years away from this.
*gulp*