hipteacher

Eating Babies!!!

I just finished reading the latest post over at Pedablogue about using theatrical teaching. I'm not sure I would rip a bible in half as I have the sometime misfortune to live and teach in the bible belt, but I definitely like to shock my kids a little. If nothing else, I like to make sure everybody is awake.

I've been teaching Oedipus to the World Lit class, and they've been pretty non-plussed about the whole thing even after I hyped up the murder/incest hook. After they finished working on their vocabulary on Wednesday, I casually took out my computer, went to a cheesy horoscope site, and asked a girl in the front what her sign was. After I read her horoscope for the day, a boy in the back asked if I would read his too. We continued on for a few minutes, all the while me seeming totally unconcerned that we weren't, you know, learning anything. I had 3 new students in my class that day. Suddenly, one of them yelled out, "Is she really reading our horoscope?! Does she do that everyday?!" But, I ignored their confusion and shock and went on with my "lesson."

After I read everyone's horoscope, I connected it to the play. Oedipus struggles with his fortune. Should he, and others, believe the oracle? Is his fate determined by prophecy? If the quarterback of the football team's horoscope warned him about getting injured that week, would he be tempted to skip practice, or even the big game on Friday?

I still don't think they really like Oedipus, but they gave me some pretty good effort that day. They like it when I'm not being "teacherly" and do unexpected things. Now, I feel like I am giving them a less than ok lesson when I don't have something unexpected or super interesting to do with them, and it's hard to make every lesson fresh and fascinating. Sometimes, I just need them to sit down and read the play.

PS. Just after I finished posting, I found a link to this Oedipus film on Boing Boing . Brilliant!

The Saga

So, Pimp has entered my dreams.

In those dreams, I am Pimp's mother.

He has such latent intelligence. His sense of humor is fabulous. I'm gonna steal some of his journal entries to share with ya'll because they are a highlight of my everyday. Don't worry, he always wants to share with the class.

My mentor teacher told me that Pimp came up to her last week and asked her if he was her best ex-student. She said, "Well, are you passing all of your classes? My best ex-students pass all their classes." I dunno about the rest of his classes, but he was proud to share that he had a "B" in English.

I guess I have taken him under my wing.

But, today my baby decided it would be a good idea to take a roll of masking tape off my desk and construct a massive pair of testicles out of it. He taped them onto his pelvic area and pranced around class just 'aswingin. Each "ball" was literally the size of a baseball and they hung down about 8 inches.

Pretty brilliantly constructed. Totally inappropriate.

My momma would have given me a choice: the belt or the spoon (the big, wooden spoon). But, I don't have that option. I should probably send him to in-school suspension, but I really want to avoid that. He has been kicked out so much, so he shuts down and tunes out if he gets kicked out. So, maybe it's time I spoke with his real momma. I found a new number to try tomorrow. Let's see if she's on my side.

One half-hearted smile

Today blew.

It was "picture day," so we were on some modified schedule to leave time during 4th block for everybody to say cheese. I'm just getting acclimated to my 96.5 minute block schedule and what that means for how long for I allow for vocab, diagramming, grammar, reading or writing. Then today, first block was 10 minutes shorter than normal, 2nd block was 30 minutes shorter and 4th block was 30 minutes longer! And I had to take my 4th period to get their pictures taken. You must know how joyful this made me. Thank god for my friend, the other new English chica, who graciously gave up her planning to help me monitor my 4th period darlings. They behaved pretty well, only one fight and one drawn-on-in-permanent-marker-curly-moustache happened on the way from my room to the gym, and that one was so expected coming from my self-defined "theoretical anarchist." But, over all, I just never felt on top of things today.

One realization. My fourth period class, they really are pretty awesome. They really are engaged, and they really want to participate. My problem is, they participate all over each other. They want to be heard so badly, and I want to give them a space to be heard, so they just lose their little minds trying to get everything out all at once. They aren't "bad," and they aren't "negative." They are excited--which is so cool, but how do I get all that needing to be heard done in a half-way intelligable fashion? I don't lecture. They learn and teach almost everything to each other. I have them work in groups and partners all the time. Still, when it comes time to share, they just haven't been able to master talking one at a time, raising hands and waiting turns, and that's when it gets out of hand.

I dunno what the solution is, but, on some level, I guess I'd rather have this problem than the totally bored, apathetic stares (or the miraculous act of sitting up sleeping, how do they do that?) I get from 2nd period.

And it still feels like summer.

Progress

reports

are

out.

......(deep breath).......

Signed, sealed and delivered. I don't know what's normal or good, but my class averages for all three classes are hovering around 80%. I'm pleased.

And cross-eyed from grading.

I do have a couple kids failing, but all but one are really thugs that are constantly suspended, in jail or just not coming to school. I guess, if I only laid eyes on you twice, I won't feel too guilty about failing you. Though, it still makes me sad.

It was all worth it when Pimp got his report today. I nonchalantly laid it on his desk and walked away. I didn't think he'd want people to know that, you know, he ain't stupid. When he turned it over and read the grade, he squealed like a little girl.

He said, "Ms. Hipteacher, can I, can I please take this home to my mom?"

I replied, "Of course, Pimp. You actually have to have her sign it and bring it back to me."

"Ohh..." he said. Like, I was providing icing on the cake--proof to mom. Like, what has he been doing with report cards all this time?

I tried to call his mom afterschool to tell her how well Pimp is doing in my class. The line was not accepting incoming calls.

Damn bill collectors.

Fabulous.

Best use of figurative language from tonight's grading:

"I didn't feel like I had a dollars worth of brain more like ten cents."

I took it personally

In my world lit class today, someone mentioned Madagascar. I made some random comment about how Madagascar has really fabulous flora and fauna (they really do!). A kid, I'll call him Sideshow Bob because he has a 'fro of red, curly hair and actually looks disturbingly like Sideshow Bob, suddenly yells out, "Ms. Frizzle!" I say, "What??!" a tad defensively because I am simultaneously thinking "I'm not Ms. Frizzle, I am hipteacher" and "Oh, God, they've found my blog." I must have had an odd expression on my face because Sideshow Bob really bent over backwards trying to explain himself. I never saw the show, but I assume his explanation--something about how Ms. Frizzle could take us there, to Madagascar, and how they think that I look a little like her, and how that's a complement--made sense. The class bonded over it, but I was a little disconcerted. I just kept thinking, but I don't even know what Ms. Frizzle, the blogger, looks like! Apparently, I really missed out on this Magic Schoolbus thing.

So, there you go. A strange blogging life meets real life moment.

In that same class today, Sideshow Bob's friend brought in a cd to listen to during journal time. I gave detention to the quarterback of the football team yesterday after he made some inappropriate comments about Chinese people. I told him he'd be coming to my cultural awareness seminar, held in the mornings at 8am. I think the cd the kid brought in was their response: Short People by Randy Newman. Have I mentioned that I am just 5 feet tall?

Funny kids. Really funny.

Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
`Round here

Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's A Wonderful World)

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here

I've Had It With My Fourth Period Class (so I roleplay)

I have an announcement. I expect you to remain completely silent until I finish speaking. I will let you know when I have finished.

From now on, there is no hall pass. No one is allowed to leave this room for any reason. From now on, we will not listen to music during journal time. Also, from now on, you are not allowed to get up out of your seat without permission.

I have decided to take away these privileges, not because of any one person, but because of the entire class.

When I ask you to stay in your seat, but you get up, you are telling me no. Every time you speak when I am speaking or when one of your classmates are speaking, you are telling me no. Everytime I ask you to sit in your assigned seat and you don't, you are telling me no.

You are saying, "No Ms. Hipteacher, I will not do what you ask. I will not follow the classroom rules. I will not be a productive member of this classroom. No, I will not be the best student and person I can be."

Every time you get up when I am talking to talk to your friend or throw something away, you tell me no. Every time you touch or hit someone else in this class, you tell me no. Every time you decide not do your journal writing or work on an assignment during class time, you tell me no.

I hear you. I hear you say no. Why should I say yes to you when you say no to me? For now, I am going to say no back. No, you may not go to the bathroom. No, you may not talk. No, you may not get out of your desk.

No.

I want to have a class where people can talk and interact. I want to have a class where I can trust you to act mature and responsible. I hope that, together, we can work towards earning back your privileges.

I know it's the end of the day. I know you want to go home. But this is high school, and you most of you are in the ninth grade. Part of what you learn in school is academic, but the other part is social. You must learn how to behave like responsible, mature students. You must learn self-control and respect.

I will start saying yes when you start saying yes to me. Yes, I will do my work when you ask me. Yes, I will listen to you and my fellow students. Yes, I will follow the class rules. Each of you is more than capable of saying yes. When you do, we work towards earning back your privileges.