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Truth with a capital "T" according to Me

joey_and_batty

p1

On some days, I'm not so good at communicating with people. Sometimes I might think I know what other people are thinking and feeling, but I don't really. I can only guess. But me and my kitties, we are always able to communicate and give each other comfort. After a week of trying to write a list of things I believe in, there is only one thing on the list: I believe people should never hurt animals. I don't like people who hurt animals.

So there you go. That's what I believe. The only thing I can say with complete confidence.

The rest is a guess.

ugly

Ick. I feel gross and dirty.

I accidentally went to a white supremacist website while trying to do some research on using African American Vernacular English in the classroom. I already felt like a bunch of the conservative sites were giving me racist info, but those people are really, really bad people. Blech. Can my brain go take a shower?

If anybody has good info to throw me, or know of sources that discuss how teacher speech influences student speech or vice versa, I'd be very appreciative.

Intelligence Relativity

I had sympathy for little 'ole me as I studied for my english language history test that I will take on Monday. That is, until I saw this link over at Boing Boing. Apparently 8th graders more than 100 years ago were much smarter than I am today at this stuff. It seems like there is so much more to know now, but then I think that people probably think that way regardless of when they live. I will say, however, that a high school diploma used to be worth something. Like, you could get a job with one. Many more people are going on to higher education these days, and that's fantastic, but sometimes I think we are just spreading out the knowledge and information over the extra years, not really getting more of it.

All I know is, I need figure out how to channel little Lula Mae homesteader on Monday morning.

Write From the Heart

I am sure many of you have read about the student who had to write an apology letter in his own blood. I kept thinking about what anger and hurt the teacher would have to feel to make a student do such a thing. Then, I wondered if the American media was twisting it around somehow. We all know how that never happens.

This blog contains both the original Reuters article and the translation of a local newspaper. I had very different reactions from reading each version. The second made me feel like the teacher may have just made an off-hand comment that the student either misunderstood or totally exagerrated while the first made me feel horrified and shocked that the school would allow the teacher to come back to work.

That's just me. But think about how much meaning can be conveyed in one little statement, how much could be misunderstood. It reminds me to question everything, but especially about sort of emotionally charged issues. The US feels so competitive with Japan over education. Reading about how something so "crazy" can happen there might just go towards making us feel better about our own craziness.

Good Reading

People often speak of students in the context of struggling urban schools who “can’t” learn. They look at poor performance on state and national standardized tests and the tendency to speak non-standard English and conclude some students are dumb or cannot overcome personal hardships to achieve in the classroom. Often, these students are written off as lost causes, NCLB notwithstanding.

Herbert Kohl, in his book I won’t learn from you”: And Other Thoughts on Creative Maladjustment, argues that some students choose not to learn from teachers that devalue them by speaking and using materials in the classroom that do not validate student language patterns. These students make a political stand by refusing to succeed according to standards set by the dominant class. A far cry from being “dumb,” these students show great ability in their will to non-learn. Kohl writes:

Not-learning and unlearning are both central techniques that support changes of consciousness and help people develop positive ways of thinking and speaking in opposition to dominant forms of oppression. Not-learning in particular requires a strong will and an ability to take the kinds of pressure exerted by people whose power you choose to question. (23)

If teachers consider the choices made by students to learn, or not-learn, they may rethink how they teach. I am not advocating a particular curriculum for the English classroom. I just want to recognize that some students who don't seem to "get it" may be choosing not to get it. I am arguing that teachers should be more aware of the choices students make (consciously or otherwise), be aware of the political and social implications of those choices, and be respectful of the “whole” child, whoever he/she may be.

student intermission

hellhandbag

brainbooks

I've been working hard. I realize this because of two things:

1. I cannot physically read a book without my yellow highlighter.
2. I had no idea how to get into my condo building when I got home today. I had to call for the gate codes.

My friend came over yesterday to distract me from my paper for an hour. She brought me these two little presents, one a magnet and one a postcard. They are funny, but they also pretty well represent the state of my mind this semester.

sexual harrassment is irritating

My law & ethics class discussed sexual harassment today. I attended a women's college as an undergrad, so I shouldn't be surprised at this anymore, but I still felt amazed at the number of women who have experienced some sort of sexual harassment in a school environment. Clearly, the lame laws we have to deter this behavior aren’t doing the job.

I’m lucky. I only experienced some kind of sexual harassment once while in school and it felt more crazy than violating. I was one of about 10 students in a fiction workshop. The older, very tenured professor had sort of specific aesthetic tastes. I remember him liking only one story, written by a classmate, about the drama of debutantes at a fancy golf club in North Carolina. He didn’t like my stuff from the start.

I don’t claim to be a fiction pro, so I took his rather harsh, abusive criticism without getting bent out of shape and tried to tighten up my sad, little stories. One day, after reading the first few paragraphs of my draft, he banged his fist on the table and told me to get out of my chair and get under the table. I stared at him, not believing that I’d heard him correctly.

But I had. He sat there until I got up and crawled under the table. I wish I hadn’t done it, but in the moment, I wasn’t thinking clearly. Once I was down there, he ranted about how I needed to “imagine sugar nipples.” He said my stories weren’t worth reading in the least until I learned how to “write like licking sugar nipples.”

Wha?

After that class, I decided I had no intention whatsoever of learning to write like that, whatever that meant. Nor was I going back to his classroom. I went to go talk to a higher up who, frankly, didn’t seem too surprised by my story. He said there was nothing the school could do. The guy was a special prof, he’d been there for years, and besides, he would retire soon. They were just waiting him out.

I didn’t return to class and the dean changed my “F” in the class to a “D.”

Whenever anyone looks at my transcript, I still feel like I should tell the “sugar nipple” story since the grade is so out of character for me. But, that’s not a story easily told in an interview.

And I still can’t write a story worth a damn.

Title: Cascade Rollerskate

I made a mix for Amy over the weekend. A mix! It has been a very long time of non-mix-making for me. It was fun and fast, but not as special as it used to be with my old, turquoise blue tape player. So, this one goes out to Amy and my old tape player. Good company. I tried to make an imix, but apple only had 8 of the songs.

Rilo Kiley My Slumbering Heart
Iron And Wine Each Coming Night
Hefner A Hymn For The Postal Service
Interpol The New
Josh Rouse Feeling No Pain
Hefner The Sweetness Lies Within
Iron And Wine Upward Over The Mountain
Rilo Kiley The Good That Won't Come Out
Rufus Wainwright Cigarettes And Chocolate Milk
Pinback Loro
The Magnetic Fields Fear of Trains
Pinback Rousseau
Ryan Adams My Winding Wheel
Ryan Adams Come Pick Me Up
The Magnetic Fields Born on a Train
Ryan Adams Amy
Rilo Kiley Paint's Peeling

Girlie Canon Boom

Neither of my parents went to college. Most of the reading material kept in the house was religious in nature. Once every other week, though, we went to the library, and I checked out stacks of books. I chose indiscriminately. I just wanted to read—what I was reading about didn’t matter much. In elementary school, I literally started at “A” and worked my way through the alphabet of the children’s collection of my library. As an adult, I’ve noticed patterns in my reading and study. I’m drawn to disenfranchised authors and those who write of a real, and sometimes gritty, world.

Some might argue my preferences are a result of the college literature classes I enrolled in, which texts the professors chose. To a degree I would agree, but I also believe my predilection for a certain type of text was set at a young age and without any sanction by authority figures. To establish my own personal “canon”, at least that of my middle and high school years, I recalled books I loved. I read these books over and over, most until the covers fell off:

The Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett
The Anne of Green Gables series by L. M. Montgomery
Cat’s Eye by Margaret Atwood
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

Since I had never before sat down to list the books that shaped my love of and compulsion to read, I never realized how female centered my “canon” is. These primary texts and most of the second tier books I think of off the top of my head were written by women and focus on major female characters.

Most of the main female characters are alone, either as orphans or during difficult life situations. I can see how these texts modeled girls dealing with troubled lives that resonated with me. I am sure my reading background influenced my faith in reading for personal growth and comfort. In college, all of the expected literary analysis was just incidental to me while I worked on a major in English as an undergraduate and now as I work on a masters degree. My first thoughts and eventual analysis always develop from what is initially an emotional reaction and understanding.

I always thought my authentic responses to texts were wrong, at least not exactly “intellectual”. When I started studying naturalist novels, though, and African American writers, my emotional focus started working for me. I could “read” these texts, like Sister Carrie and Go Tell It On The Mountain, more thoroughly and insightfully than all the Wordsworths and Shakespeares put together. I think part of why I suddenly started receiving As on my papers is because professors were more tolerant of my type of analysis in conjunction with Richard Wright, Ralph Ellison, or Dorothy Allison than they were in conjunction with Yeats, Pope or Milton. Why?

Was it because professors belittle margin texts to the point that they do not expect “high” level analysis like they do for traditional canon texts? Are the people who choose to specialize in margin literature, African American literature or feminist literature for example, naturally more open to my type of conversation? Have professors of traditional canon texts, who tend to be a little old school, learnt to accept only one mode of analysis as “right” and truly intellectual? And why, after four years of college and one year of graduate school, are my favorite female writers the ones I discovered in middle and high school?

With the notable exception of female poets like Rita Dove, Gwendolyn Brooks and Nikki Giovanni (thanks to my wonderful creative writing prof), I did not read many female writers in college, and the ones I did read bored me. I discovered a few female novelists outside the classroom, like A.S. Byatt, Zadie Smith and Jeanette Winterson, and thank god because if I had to read The Yellow Wallpaper one more time, I might throw up. Not only that, the poetry canon (as I’ve received it) feels distinctly different than the literature canon I received. Male and female poets, of different sexualities and races, coexist peacefully and equally in my mind, but writers of great literature in my mind are unfailingly male and mostly white.

(side note: I thought Walt Whitman was African American until I recently saw a picture of the man—how does knowledge of writer identity and image influence our experience with the text? In an African American literature class, groups and the prof brought in pictures of the authors we studied and class discussion often went to evaluating relative levels of skin tone. Should equitable inclusion of minority authors also attempt to include dark and light authors in equal portions? Why was the class so fascinated with this aspect of author biography? Was it useful to our discussion of the texts?)

The canon of my uninfluenced youth bares little resemblance to the canon I received in college. Some of the difference may be attributed to reading level, or complexity, but not all. My favorite works received in college work deal with some of the same themes and emotions, but none from female writers. I feel myself perpetuating the cycle as I choose books to teach to high school students. Female authors often write “girlie” books, and I catch myself feeling like these books are less worthy of study. I gravitate towards teaching male authors of male stories because of this value judgment and also because boys make more trouble in the classroom if they are bored. I want to keep them interested. But, what of the girls? I must think of them.

open those wallets

I received an email today from Adbusters. I'm a big fan of the magazine and their mission, so I want to pass along their message. Drop them a few bucks if you are able.

These are frightening times. With all that's happening -- the war on terror, Iraq, crony contracts and the PATRIOT Act -- it has become hard to see the big picture, to know where we really stand. July 4th seems the perfect moment to take stock of what has become of our country.
It seems that the revolutionary zeal America was built upon has slipped away. It led us to greatness; to independence, to abolishing slavery, to putting a man on the moon. Yet our proud democracy has devolved into what amounts to a corporate state.
Today, we're launching a campaign of symbolic protest to unbrand America. A full-page ad will appear before Independence Day in the New York Times with the Corporate American flag flying proud, and the following pledge scrawled across the page:
July 4th Because my country has sold its soul to corporate power, Because consumerism has become our new religion, Because we've forgotten the true meaning of freedom, And because the 'war on terror' has hijacked our national agenda, I pledge to do my duty . . . and take my country back. http://www.unbrandamerica.org
You can view the ad at the website.
We need to raise $60,000 to make it happen. We are counting on your support to pull this off. When we do, we'll reach more than two million people and jam the world's most influential news source. Together we'll set a new tone for the dangerous months leading up to the presidential election.
For every donation of $100 or more, we'll send you a free Corporate American Flag. You can also get the flag at cost and download flag stickers and posters from our website.
We don't have much time, so the next few weeks will be vital. There are four ways to get involved, so join the call at: http://www.unbrandamerica.org
Take the pledge. Fly the flag. Spread the word.

While you're at it, I'm sure John Kerry could put a couple bucks to good use too. And if you want to be really ironic, you could donate in honor of a certain late President. You'd be smiling all day long, just like me.

Thanks!